Stage 11 - A Legend is Born

Today's ride was thankfully a bit slower than last evening's. I only needed 53 miles as I had swapped today's for Tuesday's. Good thing too because it was 90 degrees and humid. I took advantage of living near Lake Michigan by heading straight to the coast. With a light wind coming off the lake it was 5 or 6 degrees cooler by the lake. The route took me through lovely Port Washington (see photo), twice, as I decided to stick close to the lake for it's cooling effect. Heading back inland in the late afternoon heat was like riding in an oven. You could see the heat rising off of the asphalt and if you weren't careful where you rode the wheels would actually sink into the little repair strips along the road that get soft in the intense heat.




I've been trying real hard to avoid talking to you about my on-going stomach issues but as you can read in the press release below I can no longer pretend that it's not an issue. I could pretend that the pain and agony of riding a bike is anything but debilitating but I would be fooling both myself and my readers. And I just won't do it.


For Immediate Release:

Milwaukee, WI - July 13, 2006: Elviskennedy.com, through it's spokesperson, Geordi LaForge, announce today that cyclist Elvis Kennedy has been battling a rare form of gastroenteritis. Kennedy, in the midst of his annual 50% of the Miles, 100% of the Effort Tour de France Challenge has had to continue with the challenge in spite of the incredible odds against him. The rare disease has reduced or eliminated Elvis' ability to metabolize food or water - causing severe dehydration, nausea and weakness.

Elvis' doctor, Leonard McCoy, M.D., describes the disease. "This rare and severe form of gastroenteritis is caused by a single cell parasite similar to cryptosporidium, but is much more dangerous. While this disease has been known to occur in other countries I believe that this is the first known case in the U.S. Furthermore, in 97% of the cases death is the result. Only the strongest in heart, body and mind can overcome such a disease, and even that is no guarantee. There is no known treatment and all that we can do for Elvis is hope, pray and offer our support. That being said, we do believe that Elvis has passed through the most critical stage of the disease. When he first came to us we estimated his chances for survival at 50-50. At this stage our staff believes that he is more likely than not to survive. But we must be watchful for any relapse. And there are no guarantees. How Elvis could even get out of bed in the morning is a medical and scientific miracle, that he continues the Tour Challenge is just mind-boggling. I mean, really, my head spins when I think about it. He is an inspiration to us all."

When Elvis arrived at the clinic late last week for an initial analysis, an Elviskennedy.com groupie who goes by the name 'Willow' was there and describes the scene, in-between sobs, "He was just, just, just...he could barely walk. I've been stalking him for months and I've never seen him in such a state. Sure, he was still as gorgeous as always but he looked so pale and, and... All I could do was just scream, "We love you Elvis!". It seemed that a white light shined on him for just an instant and in that instant he somehow was able to lift his left hand in an acknowledgment of my screams. And as he did one of his fingernails fell off. Passersby were fainting from the sight of it all (pause for numerous sobs). But anyway I was able to fight through the crowd of on-lookers and pick up the fingernail and I made it into a necklace that I'm never going to take off. Please let Elvis know that we love him and that we'd do anything to help him through this great tragedy".

Dr. McCoy did confirm that disruptions of skin, hair and nail growth were some of the many symptoms and that the fingernail loss was certainly a result of Elvis' body shutting down all non-essential functions. Dr. McCoy also confirmed that his team suggested to Elvis that he begin a program of EPO, human growth hormone, testosterone and steroids to help overcome the disease. Said Dr. McCoy, "Those pharmaceuticals are well known to provide significant gains in strength and endurance, something that Elvis is severely lacking in because of this rare and deadly disease. But all Elvis did upon hearing the recommendation was to shake his head and say softly, "No. The Tour must be done drug free to mean anything. Taking those things would be a taint on the Challenge, on me and on you, Doctor". That Elvis, here he is, one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel and he still has the courage to think about what's best for the Tour, and for me. He is an inspiration to us all".

Chris Charmichael, a well-known know-it-all when it comes to cycling and medicine was simply flabbergasted at the notion of Elvis continuing the Tour without chemical assistance, "How can this be? Elvis must be superhuman to be able to continue the Tour challenge without drugs. I've known and worked with a lot of cyclists and I can tell you that without drugs it just can't be done. If you go to my web site - trainright dot com, or read any of my books, all available at amazon dot com, you'll agree that I know what I'm talking about. Elvis isn't just superhuman, he's Superman! He's an inspiration to us all!". Carmichael also stated that since he was currently without any coattails to ride he would love to sign up Elvis as a client.

Another of Elvis' medical advisors, Dr. Beverly Crusher offered the following insight, "We prescribed vomiting for Mr. Kennedy. We felt that if we could somehow get his system to rid itself of the offending parasite he could increase his chances of surviving the disease. That involved a number of over-the-counter remedies along with my lengthy fingers".

Elvis Kennedy, in a prepared statement said the following, "I didn't want this information known to the general public. Only my doctors and family should have known. But we became aware that The National Inquirer newspaper had obtained certain information along with pictures of Dr. Crusher assisting me with a barfing session and that The National Inquirer was prepared to publish the photos. So for my many fans around the world who deserve to know the truth we decided to come forward with the information. I've learned a lot about parasites, what with all of the time I've been spending in hospitals and with doctors, and I want to share that knowledge with the world so that others can avoid the disease. And for those that are similarly stricken as I am, to know that there are others out there. We can support and love each other and get through this thing together. With that being said, I am announcing the formation of an organization that's going to be the focal point for parasite caused diseases, their treatment and cure. To raise money I've agreed to match dollar-for-dollar, all money raised through a program whereby you can show your support of the Elvis Kennedy Foundation by buying, for 99 cents, a rubber wristband, off-grey in collar, inscribed with the word, "Barfstrong". In part because that will remind people of Dr. Crusher's first line of defense method to rid your body of the disease. We want to inspire and empower people affected by this disease by showing unity in strength and knowledge. And I think that the wristbands can do that".

Spokesperson Geordi LaForge concluded by saying that everyone who hears about the situation is amazed that Elvis Kennedy plans to fight this disease all while continuing the Tour Challenge. "With Barfstrong as his mantra I really believe that he can do it. History is sure to proclaim that Elvis Kennedy is one of the greatest ever", said LaForge.

You can show your support and offer encouragement by visiting www.elviskennedy.com. Send all donations to; The Elvis Kennedy Foundation, Box 346, Cedarburg, WI 53012.

Today's Mileage Goal (swapped for Tuesday): 53. Miles Ridden: 53.