Elvis' Mea Culpa

Elvis has a confession to make; Elvis is the father of Anna Nicole Smith's infant daughter, Dannielynn.

To admit to the drunken one-night stand in Las Vegas just over one year ago has been the most difficult thing that I have ever done. I am ashamed of what I did and I will not use alcohol or sexually abusive priests as excuses. The malfeasance was mine, and mine alone. To my family; I can only humbly ask forgiveness. If it is not forthcoming, I understand. Just remember, there are 88 million reasons to forgive and forget.

To baby Danneilynn I promise this; I will love you as I have my other children. I will fight for and then, as your legal guardian, wisely manage the 88 million dollars that your wacky mother's estate will get from the estate of that old fart she was sleeping with a couple of years ago. I will show you all that the world has to offer by traveling alone, or with a companion (or two) to fun and exotic locales around the world, before bringing you along, out of, you know, safety concerns. I will provide only the safest automobiles for us to be chauffeured around in. The finest, fastest and safest aircraft. I will send you off, for months at a time, to the finest boarding schools far from home. Our butlers, drivers, chefs, tailors, groundkeepers, housekeepers and handmaidens will all be British trained to the highest of standards (well, I do have my eye on a Vegas showgirl that would make a fine handmaiden, and as executor, my call).

As proof that I am the rightful biological father I offer up the following; 1) During that fateful week-end in Las Vegas I used the alias that I often use for security purposes when traveling; Danny. A derivative of which Nicole was kind enough to use as the baby's name. 2) The photograph (below) - that's Elvis, taking pictures, lower left. 3) And finally, I will offer up as many DNA samples needed by the testing lab to prove that I am the biological father. I insist on one thing however; that the lab to perform the tests is Chatenay-Malabry in France. You may recognize the name of the laboratory because it is the same one that found evidence of illegal doping by both Lance Armstrong and Floyd Landis. This is a well respected and reliable lab which is accredited by the International Olympic Committee.

That's Elvis in the striped shirt, lower left. I was taking pictures and she asked for a print. I said, "Sure, but when can I give it to you?". She replied, "How about now?". Vegas, what a city!

If the lab somehow makes a mistake or otherwise mislabels or mishandles the DNA samples which result in Elvis being named the true father - case closed. If for some reason the testing comes back negative I will call upon the Fairness Fund for assistance. Floyd Landis is affiliated with the Fairness Fund and promises that they can help to ensure fairness, accountability and oversight. It's that oversight thing I'm looking for and something that Floyd Landis and the Fairness Fund have become expert at. Together, Floyd and Elvis can win this thing.




Anna, I hardly knew yee