Stage 9 - Windage

Elvis thought that yesterday was windy. Elvis was correct, of course, but today was WINDY! 25 - 35 mph of steady and relentless wind. Cycling buddies Mike and Russ were brave enough to gird their loins for today’s Stage.

It was so windy that there were numerous occasions when the three of us almost got tangled up into a carbon fiber mess when the wind would gust to some unimaginable level and suddenly push us into each other. Heading west we had to keep our heads down as far as we could. Heading north we had to lean into the wind. It’s a strange thing to be riding and leaning to the left. And it doesn’t help the saddle sores since it put’s enormous pressure on one side of your, um, arse. Saddle sore update: the chamois creme seems to be helping and the sores are not what they used to be (but don’t tell Mrs. Kennedy - she still thinks Elvis should sleep in the nude to avoid further irritation).

The real Tour has been a bit sleepy so far. Other than 10 seconds of excitement during the sprint at the end of each Stage it’s been uneventful. Elvis is still waiting for more hammers to fall due to drug usage. It is Elvis’ firm belief, based upon observations and a keen sense of the human condition, that most pro riders are on the juice to one degree or another. Elvis even has a ratio to estimate how many riders in a given race are using drugs. The Elvis Ratio. The Elvis Ratio states that for every rider who is caught using drugs in a multi-day race, there are 59 other riders using drugs. The ratio was determined by taking the following into account; the randomness of drug testing, only the winners/leaders get tested each day, the abilities of teams/riders to beat the system (some are good at cheating, some suck at it) and the fact that as more riders are use dope, more need to just to stay even. As of today, one rider has been caught which means that at least 59 others in the Tour are doping. We’ll see how many we end up with.

Speaking of cheating think about this; last year Alexandre Vinokourov was only caught doping because someone on his team made an idiotic mistake - the person gave Vino’s blood to one rider and that other rider’s blood to Vino. Testing caught this. This just shows you how stupid teams and riders can be. You would think that it would be all but impossible to make such a serious mistake. Under some conditions this could have killed both riders. That aside, had this mistake not been made Vino would NOT have been caught blood doping. Get that? He would NOT have been caught. Which means that the drug testing system does NOT work to the degree that we would like to think that it does. Teams and riders know this. Elvis thinks that the temptation is too great; blood doping works by making you stronger and faster, and done correctly, you won’t get caught.

And here is a tip for all of you pro teams and riders out there; don’t complicate the method in which you try to identify all of those bags of doped blood in your coolers. Two years ago in the drug ring known as Operation Puerto the doctors were putting things like “JU” on bags which didn’t take an Inspector Clouseau to figure out meant “Jan Ullrich”. Elvis is guessing that teams are now using somewhat random ID’s like “67382”. This kind of over-complication is probably what lead to Vino getting a bag of his teammate’s blood. Instead of having a fancy system to make the name or number on the bag non-traceable to a particular rider Elvis proposes this simple yet foolproof system; ID the the riders thusly; Lance1, Lance2, Lance3 and so on. Each team has nine riders in the Tour so you would have bags going from Lance1 to Lance9. Each rider knows his number and he can check the bag before getting the transfusion. Simple and foolproof. And free to those teams and riders smart enough to read the Elvis Kennedy blog each day.


Today’s Mileage Goal: 71 Miles Ridden: 57. Elvis is still has 19 in the bank.