The Dope Goes On

Well here’s a big surprise; Lance “I’ve never failed a drug test” Armstrong is scrapping his drug-testing program. As you will recall, Armstrong made a big fuss about how he was teaming up with a world-renowned drug tester (Don Caitlin) and developing a program that would ensure that he could prove himself to be racing dope-free. He stated that results of this testing would be made public. Elvis was suspicious from the start since the so-called expert would be on Armstrong’s payroll and therefore subject to whatever rules, testing, non-testing and overall direction that Armstrong was to give him (Read HERE). Hardly a platform for truth.

Now comes word that, “after months of negotiations” the program, “wasn’t workable”. Whatever that means. Read the brief article HERE. Weird how they made such a big deal about this at the outset. Don Caitlin, the supposed doping expert showing up around the world at Armstrong press conferences talking about how this would prove that Armstrong wasn’t doping. And somehow, now months later, they failed to “negotiate” a “workable” program? What a heaping pile of steaming crap! Either they lied then or they’re lying now; take your pick.

Speaking of lying - Here are two quotes from a New York Times article about the death of Armstrong’s super cool, super unbeatable, super way to show the world he’s not a doper testing program;

1) “Before the Tour Down Under in Australia last month, Armstrong said that his customized antidoping program was under way, but he began to back off his initial announcement to publish all of his biological data online. A news release by Astana on Jan. 18, the first day of the race, said that Armstrong would be tested about every three days by Catlin’s program. At that point, Catlin said, Astana had paid Catlin a “small contribution” to begin taking samples.”

Sounds good, right? But then we learn this;

2) “Don Catlin, the prominent antidoping scientist who was supposed to run Armstrong’s program, said Wednesday (Feb. 11) that they had decided earlier in the day to part ways, without Catlin’s analyzing a single blood or urine sample from Armstrong. The program was too complex and too costly, Catlin said, and the decision to terminate it was mutual.”

So which is it? Was Armstrong tested as he stated earlier but then didn’t like the results so they’re killing the program before the hole gets too deep? Or was he just lying though his teeth? Once again, take your pick.

Armstrong claims it was too expensive. Really? Even some semi-pro teams have drug testing. If they can afford it surely multi-millionaire Lance can afford it. And in what Armstrong obviously hopes us dupes out here will think is a show of good faith, he says that he’s going to post some drug test results on his web site. Read HERE. Whoop-de-doo. Seven test results will be posted according to Armstrong’s lawyer. Elvis will do Lance one better. Here are the results from the last EIGHT drug tests of Elvis Kennedy, as performed under the complete direction and control of Elvis Kennedy (so you absolutely know that they are valid, really);

Test One: Pass
Test Two: Pass
Test Three: Prohibited substance found. Medical waiver provided by Dr. Beverly Crusher (close personal friend of Elvis). Result: Ignore Findings - Pass.
Test Four: Pass
Test Five: Pass
Test Six: Prohibited substance found. However, ‘B’ sample chain of custody paperwork lost. Result: Ignore Findings - Pass
Test Seven: Pass
Test Eight: Anomaly, no wait... Pass