Northwest Airlines Sucks

Have you ever missed a flight because the plane left early? Elvis has over a million flight miles on Northworst Airlines and this has never happened before. Elvis has heard just about every idiotic excuse for late flights, ranging from "the triple redundant flight computer failed to register a code fifteen" (whatever in the world that means - just technical gobbledygook to confuse the customers), to "the weather in Bangor, Maine has forced us to move aircraft around the country and I'm afraid there is no longer a flight 263 to Milwaukee".

Today's return flight from Seattle was delayed due to some mechanical problem with an engine (that always gives you a sense of security). Since the flight was the first of the day for this particular aircraft you would have thought that it would have occurred to someone to get to the repair sometime overnight instead of thirty minutes prior to flight time. But that's just me, always full of wacky ideas. With a repaired engine we landed in Minneapolis forty minutes late and I still had fifteen minutes to run the mile or so to the gate for the connecting flight. No problem.

I arrive huffing and puffing at the gate at 12:55, five minutes prior to the 1:00 departure time, only to see the airplane pushed back twenty feet from the gate. I ask the smug gate agent why the aircraft isn't at the gate since it's still five minutes until the scheduled departure. Her response, "It's OK sir, we've booked you on the next flight and you're all set". "All set?", I respond, "This flight isn't scheduled to leave the gate for five minutes and you knew that I was on a delayed connection. I'm here in plenty of time and I want to be on that flight which I booked and paid for over a month ago". "Sir", she replies, "There is no need to get belligerent. Northwest Airlines has the right to pull the plane back at any time prior to the scheduled departure". "First", I say, "Don't characterize my comments as belligerence. I simply don't understand why you pulled the plane back early when you knew that there where passengers hustling over from a recently landed connection". By this time two other passengers from the Seattle flight had arrived to discover, beyond their belief, that their Northwest flight had departed early. "And second, what crazy rule allows you to close the gate at anytime? I didn't make up the schedule, you did. The least you could do is keep to it". The agent locked up her little counter and walked away.

It was clear that the gate agent was in a hurry and likely closed the gate early for her own selfish reasons; time to call the boyfriend, freshen the make-up or most likely, knowing the typical unionized airline employee, break-time. I often find myself buckled in an airplane, grounded for thirty minutes as we wait for connecting passengers. This is a common occurrence. But shutting the door early? That's simply unheard of and inexcusable.

The other unhappy passengers and I stood there shaking our heads as the airplane sat, pushed back twenty feet from the gate for fifteen minutes before firing up it's engines and taxiing away. Grrrrr!

So here I sit in the Minneapolis airport with not much else to do but give Northwest Airlines a much deserved shout out.


To prove that Elvis doesn't let the irritants of modern life keep him down too long I will fire off this post and then head over to Maui Tacos for the best food a person can get while being held hostage in an airport. To be washed down with the world's finest latte, available at Caribou Coffee. Elvis is a steady rock of positive energy, isn't he?

Here's a nice picture of the Space Needle that my distinguished colleague Steve took during the quick trip to rainy (but green) Seattle;



Look for lots of posts starting Thursday when Scott, The Boss and Elvis travel to Texas for 8 days of cycling. We might even stop in at The Alamo to see if we can find Pee Wee's bike which we hear is hidden somewhere in the basement.