Even Steven

After last week-end's fabulous weather, April returned with a vengeance. Rain, wind and cold all week long. The only outside ride all week was when Russ forced Elvis to ride in the cold rain on Tuesday. The weather radar looked green when we started out but at some point it turned yellow and then orange. Yes, light rain to a downpour. At least we avoided any radar red thunderstorms. I suppose a rainy week evens things out after a summer-like week-end. Nonetheless, it was time to give the bike a thorough spring cleaning.

During the cleaning I noted that the rear wheel hub wasn't spinning smoothly. There was quite a bit of drag. Time to breakdown and overhaul the rear hub. This process is not nearly as frightening as it may sound and in fact, only took 15 minutes. As a reader service of ElvisKennedy.com, we provide you with complete details on how to do this HERE. You visit the site - Elvis provides useful information. We're even!

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Darin had a rough day at the Whitnall Park Criterium race. Here is his report;

Thirty eight minutes into our race and some guy coming out of the turn going up the hill on the big climb lost his rear end and "high sided" (a motorcycle racing term that means when you are under acceleration and leaned over the rear tire looses traction and slides and then regains traction and flips the rider over the bike and on to the tarmac) and I was right behind him. I had no reaction time to do anything and his sideways bike on the ground made for a not so good ramp for me to ride over. I broadsided him and flipped butt over head and got ran over by my teammate Mike (who is not a small guy!) and then other people went down in a chain reaction. I was up on my feet pretty fast and tried to remount only to realize that my chain was off. After a few attempts I was up and going but the pack was too far ahead to catch. I TT'd it home with Rudy from team Wheaton (who also went down), he said he was too damaged to take a turn on the front but was nice enough not to sprint by me at the end.
 
When I downloaded the race off of my Polar bike computer I was doing 20 mph when I hit and went flying. I was happy just to get up and finish the race. There was a record amount of guys in our race, 82. I finished 55th, I think I was in the top ten when I went down with three laps to go. I would of got a free lap if it was earlier in the race but it was not to be.
 
As I sit here right now (ten hours after the race) my right wrist might have a break in it, it's pretty swollen and black and blue. The 600 milligrams of ibuprofen have taken most of the pain away. I will wait until Monday to go to the doctor for X-Rays. If I go on the weekend it could cost $200, if I go Monday it's $6! (Ed. note: must be nice to have a great health insurance plan). The nice nurse on the phone at Elmbrook said I can wait until Monday and get it looked at and it won't do any more damage than what is already done.

Monday Update: The wrist is not broken. Just trashed. Darin says he'll be toeing the line this coming Saturday. Hmmm... This has the making of a great story. Similar to; Tyler riding with a broken collarbone, Floyd riding with a failing hip, Brett Favre playing with turf toe, Ronald Reagan running the country without his mental faculties. You get the idea. Anyway, Darin crashes and gets hurt, but a legend may be in the making. Things even out.

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The following is from the Elvis Reports - You Decide file;

Elvis took a trip to Chicago and was accosted by this fella here;

But the next day everything evened out when Elvis saw this little display while out riding his bike;

This and That

After all of Elvis' complaining about the awful weather it is pleasing to be able to tell you that this past week-end was truly spectacular in the weather department. 75 degrees and sunny on both Saturday and Sunday had Elvis riding all over southeastern Wisconsin. Almost 150 miles by the time the bike was put away Sunday evening. You readers from places like San Diego may scoff at this notion of a spectacular week-end given that you have this kind of weather every day of the year. But for us northerners, the feeling of riding in shorts and short sleeved jerseys for the first time in months is a very special something that you'll never understand (Elvis would still trade places with you). The buds on the trees are just beginning to open, the grass is green and the birds and wildlife are everywhere. Elvis even swallowed his first insect of the year after riding straight through a cloud of gnats.

Downhill rollers through the woods. It doesn't get any better.

Saturday's ride was a long four hour session with The Boss. We spent a lot of time in the Holy Hill area to work on our climbing muscles. Sunday was scheduled to be a recovery day with a ride along Lake Michigan. As soon as Elvis hit lakeside he unexpectedly met an old cycling buddy, Dan G. (famous for his Milwaukee Thanksgiving and New Year's Day rides) and some of Dan's other cycling pals. You all know one of the cardinal rules of cycling; two guys can ride at an easy pace, three or more means that the hammer will come down. And it did. Elvis can recover another day, right? It was a quick ride into Milwaukee and no sooner than Elvis had turned around to head home, he ran into another of his pals, this time one of the boys from the PCW Cycling Team. We discussed our off-season work-outs (pretty much nothing for either of us), our new cycling computers (Elvis has a Garmin Edge 305 GPS unit that he's so excited about that he's putting together a comprehensive review that will be up soon), and our plans to meet for the PCW rides that are starting up this week.

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Here is Darin's quick report from the Brown Deer Criterium race;

Race average 24.7mph. We had a big field again, I would say 40+ guys.

The race course was OK as far as the layout but way too bumpy and chopped up, the worse I've ever seen in my short racing career. Lots of bumping going on, I can't believe we all stayed up. Aaron tried twice to get away, too windy and I think everybody is watching him like a hawk.  I crossed the line at 34.4 mph, I need that Barry speed...  I finished 6th overall, I think 3rd in 40+.
 
Russ and I were talking after the race and we both agree that this year is different than the years past as far as team tactics and people trying to make breaks, makes things a bit more interesting.


And here is his even shorter report from the Great Dane #2 race;

The race went OK, I got 11th overall and 5th in 40+. I missed an opportunity now that I look back on the race but it's always easy to Monday morning quarterback. I'm still leading my age by 3 points. I wish I could do all the races but my work schedule will not allow me to.
 
We averaged 24 with 15-25 mph winds. I haven't done any killer group rides this year and I think that is why I have fresh legs for the races. I think the last couple of years I left my best efforts in our group rides and not our races.

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Speaking of racing, it doesn't look like Floyd Landis will be doing any soon. It appears that more of his pee samples from the 2006 Tour de France are turning up juiced. Read HERE and HERE. Under normal circumstances the urine samples taken during the racing season don't go under the full battery of tests (no do you see how doping is so rampant in cycling? The normal tests are cursory at best). But as one of Landis' samples did fail the cursory tests it was decided that they would run the full battery of tests on all of his samples, and low and behold; more dope is found. Landis, in typical fashion, has already held a press conference to once again claim that there is a worldwide conspiracy against him. He tries to make a point out of the fact that one of his chosen observers was not allowed into the French lab on Sunday. What he fails to mention is that the agreed upon rules included one that said all of the observers must go into and out of the lab together. One of Landis' own observers had left for the States the day before and the US Anti Doping Agency observers were not present when the Landis lackey was refused entrance. Elvis wonders if the Landis lackey didn't simply show up on Sunday for the sole reason of being refused entry, as he knew full well would happen since his own partner wasn't with him. Then Landis could whine about it assuming that most of the world's press wouldn't notice the trick. Elvis noticed.

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Looks like the wheels might be coming off of Ivan Basso's racing career too. Basso, Lance Armstrong's chosen one for the Tour de France, has been asked to provide DNA samples so that it can be compared to bags of doped blood taken from an evil blood doping laboratory in Spain. Read HERE. One wonders why the Discovery Team has asked Basso to refrain from any racing for the time being. What do they know that you and I don't (rhetorical question, obviously)? Here is Elvis' favorite part of the Basso saga; remember how excited the Discovery Team was to sign Basso last Fall, as they would now have a legitimate shot at winning this year's Tour de France? If you've forgotten you can read it HERE. Note the paragraph where Discovery's general manager says that he considers, "Basso the team leader for the 2007 Tour de France". Then read HERE how Discovery manager Johann Bruyneel now says that Levi Leipheimer, not Basso, was, "always set to be the leader at the Tour de France". Say it with me, "Ay, carumba!". When will someone, anyone, be held accountable in the world of pro cycling?

Speaking of being held accountable, how much money do you suppose that Floyd Landis will be sending Basso's way to help with Basso's defense?

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But enough of the bad news. In this age of dire predictions due to runaway (human created) global warming we are finally offered up a wondrously simple solution to save the world. We can wipe global warming off the face of the earth! And the solution comes from none other than Sheryl Crow. Her idea? Use less toilet paper. Read HERE. Just what was she doing when she came up with this brilliant idea? If Sheryl really cared she would web cast her concerts so that tens of thousands of people could stay home instead of guzzling gas getting to the venue. The semi trailers full of sound and stage gear could stay home too. I mean, if she really cared she could do this, right? Even the inventor of the internet, Al Gore, refuses to web cast his speeches. You don't suppose that appearance fees and concert ticket revenue have anything to do with these decisions, do you? Al and Sheryl really, really care, don't they? This is why Elvis believes that Hollywood types should stick to what they know and keep their noses out of politics, science, religion and everything else. Go sing a song Sheryl, but stay the heck out of my bathroom. While Crow spouts off about how you and I should do our part to save the world, she is flying around in a private jet. No amount of toilet paper rationing will counter the carbon emission effects of just one of Sheryl's cross country trips aboard her Lear jet. Why does it seem that the people who lecture us the loudest about global warming are the biggest contributors to the problem? Hey Sheryl, when you finally pull your head out of your butt remember, one square is all you need to clean up.

There's another thing about Sheryl Crow that's always bugged Elvis. One minute she can look darn good, like in these two photos;

And the next minute it's not so good, like in these two;

Someone explain this to Elvis. Please.

Spring Has Sprung

The birds are chirping, the frogs are singing and the world is coming back to life. Elvis' ride today was a pure pleasure. What, with blue skies and temperatures soaring into the 50's - life is good. Note: it's amazing what months of absolutely crappy weather and a spring filled with wind, rain and cold can do to your expectations; suddenly 53 degrees seems like manna from heaven. Still, it was fabulous. No neoprene booties. No heavy gloves. No thick, constricting jacket. Not even a skull cap. And I should have put some sunscreen on my nose as the ladies of the Elvis household noted some actual color in my skin. Sun screen - are there two more beautiful words?

Three sure sings of spring, in photographs, the first two of which Elvis took on today's ride;

Baby animals are everywhere if you look


A baby raccoon by the side of the road


The racing season is underway. Save the Colnago!

Speaking of the racing season, your Elvis Kennedy correspondent is compelled to report that Elvis' good cycling buddy Darin is leading the Masters Cat. 4 standings after two races. He won his category in the first race and placed well in the second. Good job, Darin! Just hold it together for another three months and you'll be the champion. That'll give Elvis lots of fun stuff to report as he brags about all of Darin's exploits. No pressure Darin, just do your best. Don't worry about Elvis and his silly blog. Don't worry that the Elvis Kennedy empire could come crumbling down if Elvis runs out of things to report. Don't worry that Elvis could go into a year long slump if one of his best cycling buddies cracks. Really Darin, no pressure.

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How about that Floyd Landis. He's taken his Girl Scout Cookie begging tour to new depths. He's now charging his fans $25.00 for an autograph and a picture. Read HERE. Elvis has had his picture taken with a President of the United States, the first man to walk on the moon and even Ted Nugent. And didn't pay a penny for the privilege. But for some reason we're supposed to pony up $25.00 to get a fake smile from Floyd Landis? Don't his "fans" get it? Setting aside the issue that he's likely to be proven a doper and cheat, the guy has made millions of dollars in the past few years. He is either a very poor money manager or is lying about his need for handouts. Either way, the naive folks handing over their hard earned cash to this guy are, well, misguided might be the nicest way to put it.

Here is what Landis says as cover, "We can't undue the damage that's been done. We can't fix it. But we don't want the next person to have to go through this". Stop it Floyd, you're going to make Elvis cry. What a beautiful human being you are. Traveling around the country, collecting nickels and dimes on behalf of the 'next person' to fail a drug test. Elvis is astounded that over $600,000.00 in nickels and dimes has been collected so far, and further astounded that even a single one of the donors has fallen for this idea that Floyd cares the least about the 'next person'. Is Floyd sending some of the funds to Jan Ullrich to help Der Kaiser with his doping defense? Of course he isn't. All of the money goes into Floyd's pocket and you are a fool if you believe otherwise. Stealing money this way is worse than doping. Whether or not Landis doped, he is, in Elvis' estimation, a liar and a cheat.

Consider this; if Landis is innocent he'll make oodles of cash on book deals, speaking engagements, riding his bike and maybe even a movie deal. Really, what a story this would make. Clean cut mennonite kid rebels against his ancestral way of life and goes to Europe to race with the big boys of pro cycling. He plays loyal lieutenant to Lance Armstrong. Then, in what was to be his Tour de France he has a horrendous day in the mountains, loses the yellow jersey and is many minutes down. No way he'll come back from such a big deficit. Especially with a bum hip. But he does it! He throws down an amazing solo ride not seen in the Tour in twenty years. He wins the Yellow Jersey and all is well. Then, the French conspiracy born during the Armstrong years rears it's ugly head and tricks the world into thinking that Landis cheated. Landis' world collapses under the pressure. But he picks himself up, dusts himself off and fights the power. The boy with the humble mennonite upbringing stands toe to toe with The Man and wins. Glory!

Yes, there's no question, if Landis wins the legal battle and the world learns that he did not cheat he will be the new American hero. The comeback kid. He'll have the world by the tail and will make loads of money. Which brings Elvis to the point; either he cheated and doesn't deserve your nickels, or he didn't and will make more money in the next twelve months than you will in your lifetime. Do you get it now? If you want to feel sorry for someone at least make it someone worth your concern. How about kids in Afghanistan for instance?

Hey Boss! It's $25 to have your picture taken with the Masters Cat 4 leader. Pay up!

Stupid is as Stupid Does

Even Wally wants to stay inside

The weather here in Wisconsin has been stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. So far in April the high temperature every day has averaged 15 to 20 degrees below normal. And April's temperatures are rarely anything to write home about. We have not had a good day weather-wise in over two weeks. As Elvis writes this it is 33 degrees outside and windy, which makes the 'feels like' temperature 9. 9! Did I mention that it's snowing? There are 7 inches of snow on the ground and it's still coming down. I've ridden my bike outside just once these past two weeks and I couldn't feel my fingers or toes at the end. Like I said, STUPID!

Speaking of which, did you READ how doper Floyd Landis is "vehemently" opposed to any further testing of his blood samples that were taken during the 2006 Tour de France? Seems as if the self professed seeker of truth has suddenly done an about-face. Here's the deal; Landis' blood was found to have contained an illegal substance. Landis claims the lab doing the tests screwed up. To help clear up matters the U.S. Anti Doping Agency (USADA) wants further tests done to find the truth. Seems reasonable, right? Particularly if you are innocent. But here is what Landis has to say about the situation (via one of his people); "USADA is on a fishing expedition", "absurd", "inappropriate", and my favorite, "to allow (further testing) strips this of the appearance of fairness". Fairness? Amazing how guilty minds always cry foul as soon as a reasonable approach to getting to the truth is suggested. Elvis has stated before that any innocent athlete would /should be demanding in the strongest terms that their blood be re-tested, especially if they're going to claim lab errors. Landis has been on a speaking tour showing a fancy Power Point presentation that supposedly proves that he is innocent. He has begged for money (and received $600K from the fools falling for his sad-sack story) to help with his defense. And now that there is an opportunity to get this clarified by retesting his blood he says that it's not fair.

Hey Floyd, fair is riding a race clean. Fair is admitting your mistakes. Fair is an even playing field (although that seemingly does not exist in professional cycling). Fair is millionaires paying their own legal costs and not begging for money. Fair is supporting anything that can expose the truth. Anything else is just stupid.

Exhibit 'B'. Did you READ that Jan Ullrich's DNA matched that from blood taken from the lab of the mad scientist-doctor in Spain who was helping over 50 pro cyclists dope? Add Der Kaiser to the long, long list of top pro cyclists who've cheated. What do you think the odds are that the other 49 names from the lab are exposed? Elvis can tell you - zero. For one, Lance Armstrong's Discovery team has a team of lawyers running interference for Ivan Basso, whom Discovery hopes can win the Tour in 2007. Lance Armstrong is an extremely well-funded expert at running interference and preventing activities that could expose the truth. Relatively small and meagerly financed organizations have no chance against someone like the venomously self-protective Lance. Although it seems clear that each of the other 49 riders should also be providing DNA samples with which to compare to the blood found in the evil lab, we're only likely to hear about a handful of second tier riders, and the big-time dopers like Basso will ride freely in the Tour. Guess what Ullrich has to say about his DNA matching that of the doped blood? Right! Lab irregularities and a conspiracy against him.

Let's review for a moment what each of the following pro cyclists have stated as their defense when faced with doping charges;

Lance Armstrong-------------Lab irregularities, conspiracy against him
Tyler Hamilton-----------------Lab irregularities, conspiracy against him
Floyd Landis-------------------Lab irregularities, conspiracy against him
Jan Ullrich----------------------Lab irregularities, conspiracy against him

Weird, isn't it? Does anyone besides Elvis see any similarities? If Landis loses his fight he will be re-soundly trashed in the press, leaving Armstrong as the only rider able to win the PR battle. Oh, the power of money.

Texas Trip Report #5

The fifth and last post on our Texas cycling trip.

In spite of the less than ideal weather we had a great time and put in lots of tough miles. We also put in lots of tacos and BBQ.

Here is a video that shows you what a great time we had; PLAY VIDEO

Once again I warn you that there is music on this video. Office workers, beware!

Texas Trip Report #4

It rained all day so Elvis made a video; PLAY VIDEO

The video contains music so turn your volume down if you're at work. Otherwise all of your coworkers will be crowding around your cubicle to see what's going on. I'm just sayin'.