Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Romance and Bullets


Well, if Spring isn't finally here. A bit late. But we'll take it. As usual for Wisconsin, the weather sucks right up to Memorial Day and then the humidity, heat and mosquitos all show up at once.

Since the warm air has arrived riding the bike has been a real pleasure. The sweet smell of wild violets mixed with lilac is truly something to treasure. Especially when it comes wafting on a gentle breeze as you're rolling along a country lane in the soft golden light of late evening. Yes, Elvis has his romantic side (just ask Mrs. Kennedy!).

Elvis is so romantic in fact, that he'll lay off that scumbag Floyd Landis and the rest of pro cycling's doped up peloton. Elvis won't even suggest that 5-Time Tour winner Miguel Indurain's anger with the doping confession of Bjarne Riis would suggest (to someone less romantic) that maybe Indurain is worried that others will follow Riis' lead and come forward with facts about wide-spread doping. Elvis' romanticism will keep him from even hinting that Indurain, by thinking that the truth is a bad thing, surely must be hiding something. Indurain said this of Riis' confession, "Things like this take away from everyone's courage". What? Is he suggesting that it will now be harder for he and others to keep living some courageous lie? Elvis isn't about to give a big-time doper like Bjarne Riis any credit for coming clean on his dope usage, but it was certainly more courageous than keeping his mouth shut. Why would anyone, unless you had something to hide, be bothered by the truth? Read
HERE.

Oops. Elvis sometimes forgets that he's an ambassador for romance. Here, take a moment to scratch and sniff these beautiful lilacs;

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Scratch-n-Sniff

Speaking of turkeys; how drunk do you have to be to run over a turkey standing by the side of the road? To make matters worse, you don't even realize that your license plate frame (along with the plate itself) was broken off by the collision. It's sights like these that harsh the mellow of the romantic Elvis when he's out and about on his bicycle;

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Drink Wild Turkey - Kill Wild Turkey

Jeepers! I just realized something. Even though the photo depicts the license plate upside-down, I suppose it would be easy enough for someone with the requisite skill to print the photo, turn it around and identify the vehicle and it's owner. Or just tilt your head to the side. Hmm... Anyone care to ID the perpetrator?

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Happy Birthday Mr. President

John F. Kennedy would have turned 90 today if he were still alive (And there are knuckle-heads who believe just that. Read HERE). Elvis has just finished a wonderful new biography of JFK by Robert Dallek, entitled "An Unfinished Life" (get your copy at your local library or HERE). This book was published in 2003 and what, you ask, could possibly be new regarding our 35th President? Lots of recently released medical records for one. JFK suffered from; Addison's disease, colitis, degenerative spine disease and ulcers, to name just a few of his maladies. The most debilitating of these being his back problems. The pain was so bad that during most of his Presidency he was wearing a large and bulky back brace. It went from his hips to under his arms. Your point, Elvis? Let's take a fresh look at the famous Abraham Zapruder film of Kennedy's assassination. Knowing that his back could not bend normally due to the brace note these two items; 1) Watch him as he clutches his throat early in the film. Bullet number one went into his upper back and out just above the knot of his tie. Note how he leans towards Jackie, as opposed to slumping as someone without a brace might do. 2) At the fatal head shot he goes famously back and to the left. Seems unusual at first. But now that we know he was wearing a full back brace does that change how we perceive how a human body might respond to the tremendous force of a high velocity bullet?

Questions for the class; Had JFK not been wearing a back brace might he have slumped far enough forward (and down) after the first shot so that the sniper could not have gotten a clean head shot? Now that we know JFK was wearing a back brace - does it change the validity and/or veracity of the "back and to the left" argument that the fatal shot had to come from in front of the President? To prevent assassinations in the future, should back braces be out-lawed?

The film Elvis provides here is a stabilized version of the Zapruder film. Meaning that the outer frame moves around to compensate for Mr. Zapruder's lack of steadiness. It's a great version to study if you're into this sort of thing. You can pause, go in reverse and in slow-motion. And yes kids, you will see blood. It's gruesome. You have been warned. It's enough to give a romantic sort of guy the heebie-jeebies.

VIEW THE JFK ASSASSINATION FILM




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Monday, May 21, 2007

More Race Reports


A couple of quick race reports from Darin (with a photo, courtesy of Russ):

Baraboo Sharks Road Race #2 - Race #1 of this weekend was up in the Baraboo area again, this time in Leland. It was a great day with the temps in the 80's. 46 guys started our race in the Masters 4/5. We were sent out 5 minutes behind the juniors and the women were sent out 5 minutes after us. The course was 12 miles in length with a 1.7 mile climb that came about 1 mile after the start, yippee. We did three laps of this course for our race. The race broke apart right away on the first climb and Russ and I were in the first chase group. We got to about 50 yards to the leaders right before the start of the second lap climb. The field got split up again and now I was chase group #3 with two other guys. The entire time we could see the other groups up ahead. The third and last climb split us three apart but we got back together on the back half of the course. I sat in and won the field sprint in our little group of three. I took 14th overall and Russ placed 13th. I suffered a little less than the last Baraboo race but not by much. We watched the rest of the races from the top of the climb, everybody suffered today. Today's race average was 19.7 mph with almost 3000 feet of climbing.

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The long climb breaks up the pack

 
Wheels on Willy - Race #2 was the next day in the People's Republic of Madison, the Wheels of Willy crit (I don't know who Willy is or why there is a race named after him). Today it was a cloudy, windy, drizzly 42 degrees out for our 9a.m. start. I pondered in bed about not going, but I got up and went. After my 12 minute warm up I realized that I dressed way too warm and went back to the car to shed some clothes. I jumped on my bike and got to the line and one minute later off we went. I sat in the upper middle of the pack for the first half to let me feel out my legs, they got better as we went. We had 56 guys in the field and things got a little hairy on the not so good pavement in the corners. With two laps to go I moved up to the top 15 and with one left I moved up to the top 10. Going through the second to last corner two guys got tangled up right in front of me and I had to slam on the brakes because I had no where to go except into them or the curb. After I got around them I had lost about 20 spots and almost 10mph, so that was the race for me. I got 24th overall and no WCA points, I should of stayed in bed but I guess I'm a better man for going. Today we averaged 25mph for the race, that might be the fastest average I've ever seen in our category.
 
I now have three weeks with no races so I can ride with all my buddies (Elvis included) and group rides and not have to worry about saving my legs.

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Thursday, May 17, 2007

Much Ado in Malibu



If you haven't read or heard about the fireworks in today's session of the Floyd Landis doping case you might want to read these articles HERE and HERE. In these articles you will learn that Floyd Landis called three-time Tour champ Greg LeMond on August 6th of last year to confront LeMond on LeMond's public disdain of doping in the sport of cycling. During this conversation, according to LeMond, Landis admitted to doping. LeMond then told Landis to publicly come clean on the doping and be the kind of guy who could usher in a new era of clean cycling. Landis refused. LeMond then told Landis that keeping dark secrets will eventually hurt you. As way of example LeMond shared with Landis that he had been sexually abused at six years of age by an uncle. And that keeping it a secret for many years had hurt LeMond.

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Unhappy man in black


Fireworks enough right? Wrong! On the eve of testifying in the Landis case LeMond received a phone call from someone identifying himself as LeMond's abusive uncle. The caller said that he would be at the hearing and if LeMond showed up to testify, the caller would discuss details of the sexual abuse (in graphic, disgusting terms that even Elvis refuses to reprint). After the call LeMond used caller ID to re-connect and discovered that the caller was none other than Floyd Landis' close personal friend and business manager. LeMond reported the threat to the police. This all came out during LeMond's testimony and the business manager was pointed out as he was sitting right behind Landis. There was chaos in the courtroom as lawyers scrambled to figure out what all of this meant. LeMond's testimony ended abruptly when he refused to answer questions about Lance Armstrong (You just knew that this name was going to come up, didn't you?). Landis' attorney then addressed the court to say that all business relationships between Landis and the caller had just ended. Landis had fired his manager right then and there, in the courtroom.

LeMond left the courtroom and said this to reporters as he left, "What I felt was right was to come here and tell the truth. People say it's the message that hurts this sport but it's not that. It's cheating that hurts this sport".



OK, that's a fine story but what does it all mean? First off, it means that Landis isn't very good at picking people to surround himself with. Not only was his manager a scumbag for making the phone call, he was an idiot for not making it from a pay-phone or at the very least using caller ID block which is available on every phone on the planet. Really, Elvis' twelve year old daughter knows why and how to block caller ID. For a guy who is supposed to be managing the affairs of a rich and famous cyclist this lack of knowledge is unforgivable. Was Landis behind the call? The answer is yes, at least to some degree. The only way the manager could have known about the sexual abuse is if Landis had told him. Did Landis put him up to the call? We'll never know. Here is what we are likely to hear; the manager was so upset and distraught over the unfair treatment of Landis that he was momentarily overcome with anger. This anger clouded his thinking, however briefly, and he made the call. Further, the fact that he made the call from his own phone without blocking caller ID is proof that his thinking was clouded. Landis will tell us that he had nothing to do with it, was unaware of it and fired the guy as soon as he heard about it. He is, yet again, just an innocent victim.

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Landis' manager. Can you hear me now?


But consider these two items: One; Landis had been sporting a nice suit with a yellow tie each day of the hearing. Until today. He was wearing all black. He told friends that he would wear all black if LeMond ever testified. Floyd, you've got a serious problem if you spend time thinking about what you're going to wear based upon who is on the witness stand. That's not just weird, it's sick. Item two; Landis made a threat that is eerily similar to what happened when he placed a posting on dailypeloton.com. Read it
HERE. Pretty weird, isn't it? Sure makes you think that Landis was somehow the impetus behind the phone call.

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Floyd told me that he doped


How does all of this affect the Landis case? That's a good question. The Landis team has asked that the entire LeMond testimony be stricken from the record. Whatever - the damage has been done. They may be better served by asking that the Landis hearing be delayed until the police investigate the phone call, the local district attorney makes a determination whether or not to make a formal charge and if so, wait until that prosecution is complete. This would give Landis time to shuffle his defense in light of what happened today instead of prodding along as if none of this had happened.

Stop for a moment and reflect with me; Floyd Landis, the man who has tried so hard to make all of us think of him as a victim is somehow involved in a failed plot to scare away a witness for the opposing side (which, by the way, is a felony in California). Whether Landis told his manager to make the call, told him that he wouldn't stop him from making the call or knew nothing of it, we're still stuck here knowing that Landis' longtime friend, confidant and business manager, made a felonious phone call to three-time Tour de France champion Greg LeMond. Holy crap! No matter how you slice it, it's not good. It makes you sick. And fair or not, it puts Landis in a bad light.

All of this of course makes cycling and cyclists look petty and stupid. And we have FLoyd Landis to thank for that. He was the man who hired the moron manager and he was the man who insisted on an open and public hearing. Thanks Floyd. And thanks to you, three-time Tour de France champion Greg LeMond is undoubtedly enjoying a peaceful evening with his family.

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Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Some Race Reports


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Darin; applying the hammer

Here are three race reports from Darin;

Baraboo Sharks Road Race - Sauk County road race was as bad as it was last year with one steep climb and many other long but not so steep climbs. It was cold, windy and drizzly. My goal for the day was to hang on to the main bunch and watch the climbers go off the front. Five guys that made up three different groups got off the front. A new guy in our class did a 30 mile solo break and climbed with an 11/21 rear cassette, my guess is that he should not be in our category. We could see the other groups ahead from our pack of about thirteen. I suffered like a dog not to get spit off the back on the big climb. At one point Russ turned around to see who the guy behind him was that was breathing so hard, it was me. On the first big descent I tried to bridge the gap up to the second chase group, they pack let me go and I made it about 2/3's of the way before I gave up knowing that I had a big climb ahead. In the end we had a bunch sprint and I had nothing left in my legs and finished 13th overall in the race. This was way better than last year's results.
 
Wheel & Sprocket Crit - The next day was the Wheel and Sprocket Crit up in Neenah. The weather was nice but windy. The course was in a neighborhood and flat and fast. Today I felt great, if there ever was a day I could of won a race today was the day. The entire race I felt great and kept myself in position for the sprint finish. On the second to last turn some guy stood his bike up and gave up right in front of me, so I had to chase to catch back onto the train. Going into the last turn I had to move around some guys and I sprinted to catch a few at the line. I finished 7th overall. I was happy with my ride and couldn't do anything about the guy who gave up in mid turn.
 
Muskego Park Criterium - Today (May 12th) was the Muskego Park Crit/Roadrace. A lot of the races we do are called crits but they are more like Nascar short track races, just one big circle. Muskego has one fast right turn at the bottom of a big hill. There is a 100 foot climb each lap and that is where the finish line is located. Muskego has a bad history of crashes that includes a death, a guy that almost died two years ago, and Barry and Mike and Elvis all crashing there. This last week my legs did not feel good all week and no matter what I did my heart rate was low, this is not a good sign. Today when I woke up I didn't want to go racing and every time I walked up the stairs of my house my legs felt very tired. The race once again had a huge field, 64 guys.
 
The entire race went like this...fifteen guys across the road trying to get to the front, guys going off the road and coming back on and almost taking everybody down, your sitting in 10th place one second and 50th the next, your climbing the hill and dodging guys all the way up who are slow/almost hitting someone else/dropping a chain/blah blah blah.
 
So on the last lap I'm in lets say 15th place when everybody goes around the outside and now I'm stuck in the middle with no where to go. Coming into the final turn I make up some spots on the brakes and start the run to the uphill sprint finish, or so I thought. Once again right in front of me at 30mph guys start going down, some guy smashes into my right side causing my foot to unclip, and while I'm trying to stay upright a guy is on the ground sliding in front of me so I have to try and veer around him and I miss hitting his head by about an inch, at 30mph. I clip my foot back in and sprint to the finish to get 24th overall. I'm not happy about all of this but it could be much worse, I could of been in one of the three ambulances that took the crashers away. I'm taking the next four days off the bike to rest up my legs, we have a double weekend again this week. I'm still in second overall in my class, the guy who is ahead of me is getting a bigger gap as we go along. 

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Whipped after a race

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Thursday, May 10, 2007

Dope and the Doping Dopers Who Use It



Drum roll, please! Big announcement!
Ivan Basso is a doper! But no surprise really, Elvis has been telling you this for some time now. The only surprise is that Lance and the Discovery team's group of lawyers wasn't able to insulate Basso from being banned from cycling. Elvis is bewildered as to just what went wrong on the Armstrong machine. The only thing we know for certain, heads will roll. Oh, that and the curious fact that there is no mention of Lance Armstrong in any article about the doper Basso. Contrary to Armstrong being all over the place when Basso was signed to ride for Armstrong's team. Here is a photo in the event that you, too, have forgotten that Basso was Lance's boy. The heir apparent. The guy that Lance "believed in".

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Blood Brothers

I see that a lot of the cycling press is now praising Basso for "coming clean" on the doping. Come on! He didn't 'come clean'. It was more a case of Let's Make a Deal than it was Basso's desire to set the record straight. His DNA matched that of blood found in the evil scientist's lab and Basso had no defense. He was caught dead to rights. It's clear that his lawyers worked out a deal so that Basso could avoid criminal penalties and be back to cycling as early as 2008.

Make no mistake, Basso is no hero. He is a lying, cheating doper and a big part of the scourge that is ruining the sport of cycling. He is not a nice guy. He is not an innocent simply caught up in a terrible mistake. He is a guy who made the decision to cheat to gain an unfair advantage. He decided to cheat to make more money. He decide to cheat to gain more fame. He cheated his teammates, his team, his family, every other pro rider (well, the clean ones anyway) and he cheated all of us who enjoy the sport. Don't you dare feel sorry for this creep. Prior to being caught red handed Basso vehemently denied having anything to do with doping, said that he never met, talked to or even heard of the evil doctor, and even lied about the name of his dog (his code name at the evil lab was that of his dog). Seriously folks, if nothing else, you can't ever trust a guy who lies about his own dog. That's just sick.

Furthermore, almost as soon as he "admitted" to doping (admitted being parenthetical as he was cornered with the DNA facts and had no choice in the matter), he begins the lies anew. Typical of doper cyclists isn't it? Never taking responsibility. What is his newest lie? Well, he didn't really dope after all. What? But didn't he admit to doping? Not exactly. You'll need to keep an open mind on this one; he
didn't get around to cheating you see, because he wasn't going to start cheating until the 2006 Tour de France. And since he was booted out before the Tour began he didn't bother with the doping program. A really incredible story, don't you think? You see, here's what happened; he meets the the evil scientist who designs a doping program for Basso. Basso provides the quarts of blood to the evil scientist who uses it (bubble, bubble, boil and trouble) to make the superman broth that was to be delivered to Basso during the Tour. Basso apparently didn't need it to crush the competition in the Giro. He didn't need it to finish 2nd in the 2005 Tour. He just wanted, you know, that little extra boost for the 2006 Tour. But he didn't ride the race so he didn't use the dope. He's a completely honest and clean racer otherwise. Never-mind the rule that racers never, ever try anything new the day of a race. No new shoes, no new saddles, no new handlebars and certainly no new blood.

"It was only attempted doping", Basso said. "I've got some nice ocean-view property in Switzerland for sale", he may as well have said.
Attempted doping? It would be as if his plan was all set and then Lieutenant Columbo shows up, takes the stub of a cigar out of his mouth and says, "Oh, one more thing Mr. Basso. You say that you've never met the evil scientist, right? And that you forgot the name of your dog. Didn't you say that Mr. Basso? And you're sure that your DNA won't be a match, isn't that right, Mr. Basso? Well, I'm heading to the lab now. We'll know soon enough. Have a nice day Mr. Basso". This exchange causes Mr. Basso to give up the plan and admit to what he was about to do. No harm, no foul is his defense. It's nothing if not clever. Hard to prove a negative since we have no blood or DNA from last year. Elvis will remind you to use your own eyes, ears and common sense. If Basso's story sounds right to you then go ahead and believe him. Just remember how he lied about the lab, the scientist, his blood and (shudder), his dog.

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Did Mr. Basso say attempted doping?


Basso also claims that he has no idea if any other riders are involved in doping and even if he did, he won't say.

Elvis predicts that the
Monty Hall (host of Let's Make a Deal) of anti-doping will give Basso a cheat date of late June or early July 2006. This will enable Basso to ride in the 2008 Tour (after serving a mandated two year suspension). Is this good for the sport? Heck no. Basso will spend the next twelve months finding a more sophisticated method of cheating and he will be back the same as ever. A liar and a cheater. Elvis favors banishing cheaters for life. Just look at what's going on with Tyler "We Believe" Hamilton, convicted doper who lied and cheated all through out his original doping case. His name (and doped blood) pops up in the latest scandal and he continues his lies. He's been booted out of this year's Giro and his team has suspended him. Poor, poor, pitiful Tyler. He's just a simple cyclist with a cute wife and a lovable dog that died. He would never cheat. He just doesn't understand why there is a such a vast conspiracy out to sully his name. I've got news for you Tyler; you're the guy who dirtied your name. And you took the sport of cycling and the Olympics down into the muck with you. For three years people have wasted enormous amounts of time and energy on your behalf and on the behalf of those who want a clean sport. All because you weren't man enough to admit to your doping. Yes, you're a great guy. Thanks for the memories. Now go away.

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What? Me worry?


Which of course brings us to Floyd Landis. He now claims that the US Anti-Doping Agency offered to give him a short suspension if he would give up some dirt on Lance Armstrong. Yes, that Lance Armstrong. The Lance Armstrong that said, "I believe in Floyd". Words that Lance is sure to rue. Floyd makes this wild claim just days before his hearing on doping charges is to begin. Floyd says that the alleged offer was "offensive", that it didn't "justify a response", and that he only brings it up now to show how nasty the anti-doping people are. Thanks for that, Floyd. We can always count on you to speak truth to power.

Floyd has taken great advantage of the rule that allows the implicated cyclist to run off at the mouth but prevents anti-doping officials from making any public comments. Numerous times in the past nine months the anti-doping agency has asked Landis to waive this rule, thereby allowing them to speak to the public; Landis has refused each request. You see, he only wants you to hear his side of the story. Elvis is amused by this comment on the matter by an anti-doping lawyer, "If Mr. Landis will waive the rule and allow me to comment, then I'll be happy to address his nonsense". Much of this may become clear next week when the Landis hearing is scheduled to begin. But don't be surprised if the hearing date changes. Landis, like Basso, just might make a deal in an attempt to preserve whatever dignity (and racing) he has left.

And Floyd, if it's true that they made you an offer for the goods on Lance and if it's true that you haven't yet responded - the offer still stands. I suggest that you take them up on it. Sell out Lance for your own selfish motivations. What did he ever do for you?

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Good luck in court, Floyd. The other side can now respond to your excuses, claims, allegations and everything else.

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Thursday, May 03, 2007

Road Kill


Riding down the road, minding my own business. I hear a car coming up the road from the rear. Suddenly I hear the engine revving up and the car rapidly closing in. I move to the far right of the bike lane. The car is getting close now and it's moving fast. Sounds like it's directly behind. I
feel the rush of the car before I see it. The car is in the bike lane and as it speeds past the distance from the 1800 pound vehicle and my 162 pound body is measured in inches. There is always a rush of wind as cars pass by but in this instance it was the small envelop of air that surrounds a speeding car that I felt. In that instant I knew that if I as much as twitched a muscle I could be dead. The car was traveling at about 80 miles per hour and by the time the shock of what had just happened wore off he was 100 yards up the road. I had no time to react. Fear and panic ruled the moment. No yell, no raised middle finger. I'm utterly stunned.

Seconds later anger rushed in. I knew that there was a small village about a half mile ahead. There was also a slow moving Buick up the road from the speeding, red, two-door hatchback with a distinctive sounding after-market exhaust system. I put the hammer down in hopes of catching him in the village. For what purpose? Who knows? Extreme anger does not allow for proper planning.

As I arrive in the village I see the Buick heading out of town on the other end. But no red two-door in sight. With three taverns and two dozen homes there are not too many places to hide. I rode by each tavern to spy out the parking lots. No luck. I traversed the town twice and then decided to head home. Just then I heard it. The distinctive sounding exhaust system. We were about to meet! I turned up a side street and found myself moving head-on with my prey. As soon as he saw me he accelerated to pass by. I turned to give chase. He made a quick left on the main road with me pedaling wildly just a few feet behind. Adrenaline fueled legs are no match for a combustion engine and he quickly pulled away. He turned up a side street two blocks up the road and I took a flyer and pulled up another street hoping to cut him off on some lonely one-way. The plan worked and it looked as if the meeting I so desperately wanted was about to happen. Still angry - still no plan. Come what may. I stopped in the middle of the road directly in front of him and was about to unclip when he reversed into a yard, pulled a rapid u-turn to head back down to the main road and hightail it out of town. I yelled that I wanted to speak to him and gave chase. I raised both of my arms in a
come back here you useless piece of crap gesture as I saw him look in his rear view mirror just before he disappeared around a bend in the road. Gone.

The adrenaline and anger drained away as I turned to head home. But not before I did one important thing; I stopped, pulled out my cell phone and entered the time, a description of the car, a description of the driver and the coup de grace - the license plate number.

As I slowly rolled home I kept replaying the incident in my mind. Had he really been as close as I at first thought? Yes. Was he really traveling that fast? Yes. It was clear that this was not an accident or a simple case of inattentive driving. There were no other vehicles or darting animals nearby that would have caused him to swerve into the bike lane. No extenuating circumstances. When the driver saw me on the road he accelerated, entered the bike lane and
intentionally did what he did. For what purpose? To scare me? Cause me to ride into the ditch? Cause me to wet myself? Give his otherwise useless life a momentary feeling of power? The driver himself probably doesn't even know.

And I'm left with a question; should I call the sheriffs' department? Not one to go looking for trouble I almost convinced myself to let the entire incident go. Be happy that he didn't twitch an inch. That I didn't twitch an inch. Be thankful that there wasn't a little pebble in my path that would have shifted my direction of travel at an inopportune time. I was alive, wasn't that enough?

But I couldn't let go of the fact that the whole episode was
intentional. If you ride on roads long enough you'll see lots of drivers doing lots of stupid things. They pull in front of you, they cut you off, they fail to even see you at times. If cyclists were as inattentive as drivers, well, let's just say that it wouldn't be pretty. Sometimes young drivers like to stop in the gravel in front of you and kick stones at you by spinning the tires. Sometimes people throw stuff at you. And oftentimes people simply misjudge how close they should be driving next to a cyclist. They don't seem to understand that a stick or a stone or an animal could cause the cyclist to swerve a bit this way or that. Maybe they don't even care. But never, ever have I seen or heard of a driver accelerating and aiming at a cyclist in such a reckless manner.

I simply could not let this go. The driver needed to be confronted. I owed it to myself, my family and indeed, everyone who has ever ridden a bike on a public road. This type of behavior cannot be tolerated. My decision was made.

As soon as I arrived home I called the sheriffs' department and relayed my story in great detail to the dispatcher. She ran the plate to verify that it was valid and that it matched my description of the car. Shortly thereafter a deputy stopped by to take my statement and to ask for further details. His plan was to go the home of the registrant of the car and confront the driver. Pending the driver's explanation of the events a decision will be made to either ticket the driver for any number of moving violation offenses, or to charge him criminally. A criminal charge is a serious matter and would require my presence in court to assist the district attorney in securing a guilty verdict. I told the deputy that I was willing to do whatever it takes to make sure that the driver thinks twice (or three or four times) before repeating what he did.

The deputy did have one piece of advice. Next time call 911 immediately. He said that had I done that they may have been able to find him still out on the road and then they could have stopped him and given him a sobriety test (this is Wisconsin, after all). One more possible charge to add to the already long list. Lesson learned.


Whether this resolves itself quickly or over the course of many months, I will keep you, dear reader, up-to-date. It's important.

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